tight jar

to get my system back into action the state of mind had to be put
across. It really was meant to get the gibbrish out of the way in the
hope that some real inside scoop would come out.But alas!
its going somewhere and it just might surface. the last few days have
been a roller coaster of changing emotions towards people we love
uncondionatlly, towards people who love us unconditionally. It is
almost like being in a space, a jar maybe and tight lid, breathing
the same air. but the air is getting stale and the more you take
it in the more convulated your system ends up being. In our
small lives we are so much in a state of doing things that sometimes
we forget to peek over the other side of the fence. is everything
ok there? do people need us there? what we are doing, is it
effecting them directly? ops did i hurt you?i am sorry.
how ofetn are we looking at ourselves in teh mirror and asking
these questions. mirror because in teh mirror we look at ourselves
and its very simple to look at a face looking back at you, you
are fimiliar with that face and you chk to see if everything
is in place. Have you looked long enough so that the shapes
actually start nerging into each other and you dont see an
actual face but a mesh of muscles that is making a whole,
each and every muscle in there is important and maybe the
final face we see is not that important its actually the over
all feeling it gives off.
Like wise our nature, the way we behave is something which
is reflective of the over all persona we carry with us.
in the recnt past i found myself wanting to break free, keeping
a balance, charging and ignoring all at the same time. What i
cant figure out is why was i doing this. Was it to make myself
content and making my surrounding ok or was the other
persons behaviour bothering me?What was i doing?I think i
was trying to keep a balance between things and trying to keep
everyone relaxed , it did and didnot work in some instances.
Someone termed me as a person who takes up too much tension
and inevitably ends up giving tension. maybe. i do stressout and
i do take things upon my head. But when you are alone in the
house its just a part and parcel of keeping things in oprder. I am
true to my zodiac, balancing scale but the issue is how much of
that do i mange to do?if at all! diplomatic?am i?perhaps
i hide myself from people when there is something to say, i always
have been thrown into situations (deep end) when i have been
able to say things . But being thrown into the deep end always is
not exactly good .right? by nature i keeping tipping from
left to right, the balance is achievedfor a split second and then
a little movement and i go tipping again.
its very easy to say "i am not understood" or "people treat me
like this" "let me be" all of it is reletive, but right now at 27
when i am feeling like this
i need a self chk.
Marium has simultaneous emotins going on in her head and she
is tippingmixing issues. mixing happiness with staleness. the tight
jar needs to open. a total change need to come from within whatever
strength there is in me.
solutions are opbviously not that simple.
but if i feel like this how can i make anyone else feel safe with me.
can i? is it possible to be confused and happy at the same time and
is it possible to make someone sane and feel safe with you.
Sometimes you need to know that you make some people feel
that way for yourself to be ok and safe.